i've figured it out. my house is a frkn circus.

Too frkn 'stressed out' you can say, lol.

1. Stupid Internet - there is frkn TEN internet users in my house and there isn't enough for everyone. This is all because there is tooooo many people living here !! i hate it. Let me count... theres NINETEEN frkn people here! I wish I could go back to the flat where it was just me and my parents. Now with this house, they gotta pay the loan and that, therefore we need these other people here.

2. School - it's only been 1 week into year 12 and it's freaking too time consuming and leaving me confused about choices.
English- gotta find 3 selective texts (I think) on top of doing like 5 others in class already.
Textiles - major project and i'm like full struggling with making up my mind wih ideas and that.
Art - ANOTHER major project.
Business & Economics - Confused about which to keep and which to drop.
Maths - its frkn maths .

3. Driving - trying the time to fit it in between work, school, church and stuff. So much stuff to remember. Getting too much pressure to do all the hours quickly from my godmother and she doesn't get it that i have more important things to do than get my full driver's licence.

4. People - There are just too many annoying people around me right now. My dad is a constant one. A stubborn girl at school with the designing of our year 12 jerseys. And i don't know what present to get for my friend whose party is on this weekend. "Anything", does.not.frkn.help!

5. Sleep - Because there is so much maths homework, and i can only work late at night when no one is around, I don't get as much sleep as I need.

6. Something is wrong with a gland in my throat. frkn hurts to eat or even drink anything.

I APPRECIATE THAT, THANKS :)

faar out

i just need somewhere to ventilate, so yeahhh this will be a long one lol.

- okay, so you are really confusing me and i dont know what to do with you anymore. its like i cant get myself out of this situation because its been too long and it just keeps going on and on and on. but i know when its over (dont even know how thats gnna happen) i'll miss it.

- in about an hour and a bit i'll be turning 17 ! and im freaking out because i feel like my teenage years are coming closer to an end, nd i want MORE. like i feel like i havent fulfilled it yet as gay and stupid as that sounds. i havent even got any hours for my L's licence!! i could have gotten my P's by now !! :@

- i hate birthday planning. especially if its for me !! things get difficult and i just feel like not doing anything at all.

- another 'you' who i will not mention the name of. we could have been the bestest, that's all i have to say. lol

- year 12 will start sooon and im also freaking out about that! i have 2 major projects - art and textiles - and i dont really knw what i want to do ! i WILL have my breakdown half of term 1, i tell you.

- ANOTHER 'you'; you are one of the cooolest/nerdiest person i know, she stuffed up big timeee, she's missing out!

- and omgg,, people need to get their priorities right, seriously.

UGH, im off to do my nails, ciao x

P.S. do not try and guess who im talking about then ask me. pleaase.

oh wow i really need a hair cut ! my ends are soooo dry and dead, its gross! but i dont want to start all over again trying to get it semi-long =( i could just try putting treatment and stuff in but that'll take a while. ive stopped blowdrying and straightening my hair for maybe a week now and wont start agian any time soon. maybe a short hair cut will be refreshing, but i seriously would not get over how my hair is gone for about a month. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH fml, lol

if that's all there is to 'love', then that's bullshit

So lemme put my books down

Excuse me if i look down

Guess imma little nervous

But i`m at your service

Look at what you took down

And now the good times are coming to an end, and time's pulling as more apart. Stupidly we keep holding on to something that's dead and gone - now we're left with just a mess and a bunch of confusion.

dont think you're irreplaceable

im so sick and tired of being sick and tired

no expectations = no disappointments

"and be hopeful, hopeful, and he'll make a way, i know it ain't easy but, thats okay cos we're hopeful"

Sometimes I Like Being Alone

no one bothering me
can do things in my own way and time
can wear anything i want to wear, yes like shorts even when its cold just because i feel like it
sing as loud as i want because no one will complain
and not having to answer any questions i dont wanna answer
practically, doing whatever the heck i want.

"IM THE GOOD GIRL WITH BAD HABITS AND HE'S THE BAD BOY WITH GOOD INTENTIONS"

when is being nice considered as being too nice?

please dont just assume every 'you' is about you

http://graaaacex.tumblr.com/

will try and update blogspot and tumblr !

they say the hottest love has the coldest end

make love - chris brown ft. tyga

Lil mama what you doin ? wassup?
Cause I aint gotta work this weekend
Lets get up, up, up, up
And I jus wanna dance and play a little bit
And baby I'm the man and shawty you the shit
Think about it we can do something nasty
While I got my energy up all in the club With the lights down low
And I got you Tipsy and youre all up on me pullin all my clothes
I aint finished my drink but I want sum more
Girl get your purse let me grab my coat
Got my keys so now we can roll back to the crib

I wanna make love to my baby
Do it all day and we can do it all night long (shawty)
Im gunna make love to my baby
Have it you way but I like it with the lights on
Imma make love to my baby
Girl get on top of me and imma let you take it off
Tonight is your night Baby So imma love you down

All I think about when she not around
If I get to see her I'm gonna take her down
Pull your tights down throw em on the couch
Like ? say put it in your mouth
Take your top off aint no body round Run around butt naked this my house
All these thoughts on my mind I gotta get them out
Tryin but I cant figure out
Remember in high school I used to skip class just to sex you
Homeroom was the only place I could call you
Now its like every time I call never get thru
That bullshit that we been through
Dam I miss you
Its like you kick a nigga out
Moved on to the next one
I hope maybe we can work it out
Dam I be wishin you was here right now

you talk alot, but you dont say much

i know you've thought about it more than once,
but now you got me wondering bout the possibilities
now we both thinking it but no one will say anything

" i am the greatest. i said that even before i was " - Muhammad Ali

lol

one word to describe you: rude.

________________________

nail done, hair done, everything big,

OH YOU FANCY HUH?

OH YOU FANCY HUH?

OH YOU FANCY HUH?

________________________

its been way too long, and im kickin myself for letting it get to this point. i did nothing to you, so why all this bullshit? and now im promising myself to never fall for this shit anymore cos it all wasnt f****** worth it.

back to reality

just came back from indonesia this morning and headed straight to school as i ddnt wanna miss out even more than ive already had. my holidays were pretty good, spending heaps of time with family, going to huge ass shopping centres, eating lots of es jeruk (iced orange juice?) and es kelapa (iced coconut drink). ANYWAY this is my list of likes and dislikes:

LIKES
how i have alot of family there
things are heaps cheap
theres no speed limit, you practically make your own rules on the roads
theres a driver
salons, get to go alot, again, cause theyre cheap
mangga dua, the place of all things that are fake
how you can bargain the price for alot of things

DISLIKES
how theres cats EVERYWHERE
the food restaurants on the side are unhygenic
TRAFFIC
how everyone is always late to everything
alot of the clothing/shoes there
its not safe to go places alone
the pollution
seeing all those people live in such poor conditions

lucy: ed westwick kissed me in my dreams
me: he did more than that in my dreams


lucy -speechless-


AHAHAHAHAHAH

BEST DAY EVER !!!!!!!

1. lined up three hours to see ED WESTWICK/CHUCK BASS lovelovelove
2. got his autograph and was pretty much speechless when it was my turn (==)
3. watched ECLIPSE ooooooooooooooooooo em gee to jacob black and him being topless most of the time he was in the movie.
4. finished packing to go to INDONESIA frkn tmroo morning !!!

i cannot go to sleep.

tired of making the effort when it all becomes useless in the end

8 MORE DAYS til i fly to indonesia !

BTW Bali is not its own country, it is part of Indonesia ! LOL

really love how i can tell you anything :)

"do you ACTUALLY like your shoes?"

this is a conversation my 7 year old cousin and i had tonight.
me: i got new shoes, look !
carissa: eeww they're ugly
me: you're ugly
carissa: HA, yeeeeeeeahh right !

-another 15 minutes-

carissa: do you ACTUALLY like your shoes?
me: umm yeah?
carissa: are you serious ? look at the colour, look at the shape !


oh and this is my 100th post ! lol

new shoes i got that had to get sent from woop woop to eastgardens cause they didn't have it in my size in this colour. :D its white canvas with like grey kind of sprayed on - dont know how else to discribe them lol. just wanted to take a photo with the umbrell my DAD bought home the other day...yes it is rainbow coloured and yes my dad is a tad bit weird. oh and thats a green jacket i got last week from myer with abit of little gold studs here and there :)

PARTY BUS !

HAPPY SWEET 16TH BIRTHDAY ROSALYN !

my textiles dress. was done in such a rush. should have made it tighter, and fixed all the hems and finished the other shoulder with the chains and buttons.
seriously grace lee rushing is not a good thing haha. like today, bought shoes from rubi shoes and was rushing cos my friends and i had heaps of other places to go to and the shopping centre was going to close in an hour. i think im going to return them on soon. totally forgot i had to buy a pair of nude heels, not flat brogue looking shoes! ==

L-A-Z-Y

i realised there has beeen too many writing stuff and not enough photos lately, but then i realised that it looks quite scary opening this blog and straight away seeing me poking my tongue out like that haha. solution? write abit more haha. ive been SO lazy with school work that i really havent done any work since th exams which was about 3 weeks ago. also, winter has kicked in and in classes, i'd rather stand infront of the heater thaan freeze my ass off. i dont really know whats been going on in any of my classes and maybe nows the time to get back into it!

i tried uploading the moving picture i made from these two from gickr.com but it wouldnt work ! >:(

woahhh, never trying that again

your not the same, im not the same, WE'RE not the same

Too many times I've been wrong, I guess being right takes tooo long

have you ever just not talked to someone bcos you hav nothing to say but you really want to tlk to them?i dnt hv anything to say to you but you're online, but i dont want you to think tht i dont want to tlk to you, blah blah blah blah blah i think i should get going

im so angry at myself ! wasted so much damn time !

feels frkn shit

yesterday was seriously most stressful day of my life, so far. first i went to see usher at circular quay, so i woke up at 3:30am. finished watching him then quickly went back to my cousins house to get my school stuff then quickly rush to school. from 9:30 til 1:20, i rushed sewing my textiles dress, which ended up to look like a piece of shit. handed in my textiles assignment which had sketches that weren't in colour in done in about a minute, with the model looking like something 5 year old would draw. ran to my visual arts exam. only studied 2/4 of the different art forms, so i just sat there thinking of some bullcrap to add into it. came to my cousins house, whose house i was currently living at, showered and went to sleep for about 14-15 hours. yeah thats how angry i felt at myself.

that post i wrote about 2 months go, about us walking past each other like strangers is literally coming true.

"its real late, bout a quarter to 1. im thinkin bout how we've become, and i hate it. i thought we could we make it. but im ready to jet this, and just forget about it" we ride - rihanna

oooooooooooooooo so-rry, if im not good enough to be the one you turn to anymore..

SO, this is the 6th night ive been living at my cousin's house. I currently don't have my own room right now, its been lived in by a lady and her baby. When she arrived the room for her at the back of the house was meant to be ready, but no, its been about 3 weeks, and it isnt done yet. This really isnt anyoens fault, i guess, but doesn't mean i cant be pissed. When i was sleeping on the floor on a mattress of my parents room, Ive had to walk back and fourth tip toeing around the lady who's staying in my room, to get new clothes and feeling weird walkin in when she's there because it just feels like im intruding. Ive got exams this week, and i really actually wanted to sit down on my table and get some studying done. And that is why ive been going to the library, but now that is not even a choice, no comment aboout that. ive been having to move all my s**t back and fourth from my house to my cousins house, including ALL my books, laptop, clothes and evrything. I wonder how the frkn nomads do it.

HHHMMMMMM.... maybe i was just delusional

im happy, but still, feel free to go feel guilty

my dad is anal about everything, has to do everything is own way, has his opinion on practically everything, is sooo slow, after every arguement or lecture he would always come back about an hour later and keep on going. i am so alike to my dad it scares me. i just dont hope im not as weird as him! today in the car he made a similie about peeing, saying its like a teabag, wth right ?!?! i just said hhhmm...hhmm... haha

so lay me down and tell me what i wanna hear

I.Y.A - chris brown :)

a photo of my fambam, yeahh there's only three of us. this was at a family friend's wedding in january. OH I WANT LONG HAIR like that again, bt the hair extensions are ruined :( wish it would grow like a cm a day for 20 days then stop loool. who do you reckon i look like more?

" Someone once told me that the power in all relationships lies with whoever cares less. He was right. The power isnt in happiness and i think maybe happiness comes from caring more about people rather than less. "

-ghosts of girfriend’s past

a few pictures from tuesday night dinner at pancakes at the rocks then just hung out at hyde park for a while.

Cos I'mma tell you, like you told me,

Cash rules everything around me

Singin' dollar dollar bill yall(dollar, dollar bill yall)

Singin' dollar dollar bill yall(dollar, dollar bill yall)

went to jamfest (supafest) lastnight ! it was soooo freakin good! except for that chris sorbello bit in the beginning, i wanted to go home when she was on ! the order was jay sean, sean paul, pitbull, kelly rowlnd then AKON ! waited the whole night just for him and it was worth it ! touched him four times HAHA. it was really crazy and pretty yuck with everyone standing shoulder to shoulder the whole time. but it was goooooooood (Y)

One of the most annoying things for me is when someone says 'you wouldn't know'. like how would you know what i know and what i dont? and no im no know-it-all, just dont judge. HAHAHAHAHHAHA now i sound like those people that say 'dont judge me, you dont knooooooooooow me' and add that squinty look at the end. We all know we all judge, especially on first impressions. whether its a good judgement like 'oh she looks like a nice person' or a bad judgment like 'i bet shes a whore'. its still assuming without knowing the truth a.k.a judging. hahhahahah if you are still readng on, i dont know why you are, cos its like 3am and instead of being tired, im really restless and felt like ranting :)

feels like insomnia o o o o o o o o o o

its funny being the only one awake in the whole house ( maybe the whole neighbourhood! you never know.. LOL) and being able to hear only my dad snoring and the noise of silence

I'm still fly

I'm sky high

And I dare anybody to try and cut my wings

tonight im flying,
flying for once
to a place
with no you

if you aren't interested, why the heck are you acting like you are? what is with the random calls and then the not talking for about a month? why answer calls late at night and check if im alrite in the morning? why ask about who's chatting to me this late and wanting to know who im hanging with? its not fun to get your hopes up and expecting there would be more when its clear to everyone there would never be. im not complaining about the times we talk or anything, cos i wish those would never end like they used to. all im just saying is make up your mind. decide whether you would like to stay or leave because i dont want anything in between.



yours truly

i like chocolate

cool clothes

goodnight texts

gossip girl

vampire diaries

chuck bass

buffets

love when its good

singing

chris brown

brothers & sisters

quirky objects like telephones shaped in burgers

looking at blogs

dressing up

red lipstick

nude lipstick

harajuku perfumes

pretty lingerie

south african accents

lemon lime bitters

coke coke coke coke coke

HA ! this is my 69th post ;)

had a night out at the sheraton hotel ! it was freaking awesome !

my fried lucy at http://moekaymoonpig.tumblr.com and i were talking about thee lives we're going to live. and this is mine :)

im going to become a fashion designer or something to do with that

im going to marry a hot hot hot husband who is muscley and has his head shaved and has nice lips ;) haha

we're going to live at bondi beach or somewhere else near the beach in our mansion

we'd then travel the world togther

make 3 hot not nerdy looking kids;

1 boy - jayden ezekiel ____
2 girls - london jolie ____ and paris mutiara ____

im going to drive a red hot mini cooper with the white stripes down the middle

and the rest of my life hasnt been written, YET...just wait :)

was bored in my room at tasmania a few days ago and decided to take pictures with the nice wallpapers haha.

oh and this is a bag i got from a market at tasmania for $5 !!!! defs best thing about the trip !

BTW did you know that elephants only gave birth at night?

I.AM.STUCK.IN.TASMANIA.FOR.ANOTHER.THREE.FRKN.DAYS :(
there is seriously nothing here ! all i see are trees, water, rocks and mountains ! and no im not the scenery type. its day 4 and i still haven't seen a maccas.. WHATS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE hahaahaha. you have no idea how many times ive said that.
today we went to the city part of launceston, and they dont even have a shopping centre ! but thats not all, theres just not as many shops. yes yes i sound like a hater, but yeaaah oh well.
i missed out on LILLIAN'S birthday and will miss abit of MADELEINE'S birthday because im stuck here. :@ i want to go home already!

anwyaysssss
im trying to avoid and not talk to this one person, wonder how long this can go on for ahaha.
wish me luck !

have you any idea why ravens are like writing boards?

Canoeing was so much fun !!

Here are a few photos from our year 11 school camp at Jindabyne!

It reallly was the best 5 days ever, filled with the funniest comments, loads of junk food, shoot shag or marry questions, and physical activities that made us nearly die. We all pretty much dressed as lads for the week == lol.

wudnt mind my daily dose right now..

really liking these nude lips

LET ME HEAR YOU SAY, HEY HEY HEY DADDY (8)

i actually never knew people go out with people for a week then go out with another person another week. i never knew it actually happened, i think its quite funny ..

i can tell one day we would just walk passed each other like strangers in a crowd. that that day i'd be wondering what lead to this, and why i didnt stop it. its sad but right now i cant be bothered to do anything about that, because whenever i try and get my hopes up, i just get let down again. i wonder how different my life would be right now if i didnt meet you that day, if we didn't get to start talking, if i didnt fall for you. so im thinking its all not worth it, that i'd be wasting my time if i spent it on you, but its true, and deep down i know it.

yours truly

lets just pretend i believe you

the less yu care, the less yu get hurt, but then agen, you gotta know when they're not bullshitting nd actually telling you the truth

:)

ha, its funny how this timeee im not the one running to you :)

i want to go sky-diving (after the hsc next year) ! i went all the way to woollongong today to watch my godmother and srsly, just watching is no fun at all.

yeaaah i get you.

i remember calling you

even with nothing to say,

just wanting to call i guess lol

i knowww.. i hate it when i check people's blogs and they haven't updated in a really long time and that sucks. but no one really reads this anyway lool. ive been sick for the past 3 days.. did i mention I HATE BEING SICK ??!? anywhooooo ! did everyone have a good valentines day ? i jst spent it at church then out with a few friends, pretty cooool ! watched valentines day, its mad but really really long ! i started english and maths tutoring, and maths was especially good cause i had to catch up on the past 2 days' work that i had missed and we got that done.

"And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It's your basic all purpose garment. Never be without it."

collossians 3:14

Only because it's you..its only been you..

Today was the first day of being a 'senior' ! haha. the day went by sooo quickly ! The teachers make it sound like this year's a very important year, but they did that last year, and that wasnt that important. but i guess i should actually try this year, its year 11 -_______- ANYWHOO..i watched the new episode of VAMPIRE DIARIES! it was freakin awesome ! you people should watch it :D

"Fallin down aint fallin down if you dont cry when you hit the floor"

Lesson Learned - Alicia Keys

"Today in the Walmart parking lot I saw an older couple, not exactly what you would call fit, leaving the store. The woman was carrying a bag and the man leaned over and took it from her. That’s when I saw him whisper something in her ear.
Suddenly she broke into a run, as did he. She won the race to the truck.
Her prize was a kiss."

www.lovegivesmehope.tumblr.com

if only it was winter

...and i had somewhere to where this to

random: really feel like bowling and having pizza

no longer call you friend

To_______,

I know no one's perfect, but you really are a bad friend. i dont understand the point of all this lying, and i dont get the sudden change with you thinking you're better than the rest of us. but next time, we'll just do the same, and accidently not invite you.

You heart breaker,

Wherever your goin',

I'm goin' your way;

Two drifters,

Off to see the world,

There's such a lot of world to see.

We're after the same

Rainbow's end

Waitin' round the bend.

Moon River from Breakfast At Tiffany's

isnt it really annoying when you're in the greatest mood, feeling like your on top of the world and the person you're with is the total opposite? but then again, its even more annoying when you've hit the all time low, and everyone around you is all smiles.

"Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuriies; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable."

--C.S. Lewis

siren appro in burgundy

my latest buy :)

i love the city lights, the traffic noises, and the way its always crowded - im a city sort of person. cant imagine myself living in the country, where i would have to travel heaps far to do some grocery shopping or a new pair of shoes (lol) and where everything would be quiet and all you could hear are crickets. i just went to SUMMERCAMP (church camp) lastweek for a week. it was awesome except for the sleeping in tents part, the hard ground hurt my back, but booohooo right? anyways, it was like in the middle of nowhere with a few public toilets for 700-800 of us to share, no reception and mosquitos EVERYWHERE. maybe im not much of an outdoor sort of person haha.

" dont cry,

buy a bag

and get over it "

Jessica Szohr, Vannessa from Gossip Girl, for Teen Vogue.

I cant wait for season 3 to continue in March !